His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
