So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
