I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i now understand why vodka
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
