her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
