Christians are straight up FREAKS
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
