I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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