ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Randomize
