he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
