she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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