I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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