Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
