I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
