why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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