I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
