I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i would punch a child for taco bell
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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