she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize