i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
