well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
