1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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