3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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