You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
