dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
