she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
All the doctor said was why
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
