I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
