i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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