Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
