Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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