You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
