I want to stick my p in your. b.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize