I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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