Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize