You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my shit smells like andre
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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