I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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