Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
