pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
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