Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
