I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
