Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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