I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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