i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just cropdusted the office
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
