I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
