Slut skills are useful in every country.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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