Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
