I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
