It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
