Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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