I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
