dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
