it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
no you cant smoke seaweed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
