I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
