the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
