Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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