i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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