I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
