I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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