My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
