I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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