Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
