If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
