I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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