she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
