i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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