So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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