Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
