How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
