I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
