it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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