im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
