whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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