i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My vagina just clenched in fear
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
