What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
God, I missed his penis.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
