I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
