how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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