I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
