Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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