just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
