It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We smell like vodka and hangover
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