why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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