oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
