Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
