if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
