We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
