he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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