you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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