Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize